Boom boom . . . wow.

My weather widget tells me that the next four days in Brooklyn will maintain a steady high of ninety degrees. That means it will be 108 degrees in my apartment. If I keep a cauldron of water at a steady boil, I could do Bikram in my living room. Hey, it's a recession! But apparently I can't use that excuse for much longer . . .

. . . which means I ACTUALLY have to find a job, lest risking a deflated return to Chicago upon the termination of my sublease on September 1st. So, besides the usual BroadWAY or Bust endeavors, I've been (sort of?) job seeking:

1) Last week I auditioned at Ellen's Stardust Diner. Ellen's Stardust Diner is a lot like Ed Debevick's, without the (intentional) rudeness. Wear poodle skirt, sing song, serve milkshakes. They told me to come in Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday between 2 and 4 for an audition. I show up, give the manager my resume, and he says:

"Okay. What do you want to sing?"

And I said, "Wait . . . you mean, like, NOW?"

And he said, "Yeah. You're up after this waiter."

So I proceeded to sing and bop around from table to table to "I Wanna Dance With Somebody." In front of the entire restaurant. That was a bit shocking; I had no idea I was going to play Waiter when I showed up. I guess that's how they weed out the awkward people. However, I felt slightly pimped out as they had me do another song ("There Are Worse Things I Could Do" from Grease) and, like . . . dude, I should have collected tips or something. I better get that job. I'm going back on Wednesday for a second interview. Fingers. Muthafuggin'. Crossed.

2) In a couple of hours I'm to audition for a company that rents out singers and dancers for corporate events and Bar Mitzvahs and shit. They told me to "Sing a pop song, and then maybe a jazzy ballad, and then do a dance you might see at a Bar Mitzvah."

"I've . . . never really been to a Bar Mitzvah."

"Well, you know. Just something to get the crowd going."

So I am doing the "All Over the World" choreography from Xanadu to "Boom Boom Pow" from the Black Eyed Peas.

Live that dream.